I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
