the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
