I hate your face
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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