i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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