plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize