Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
