So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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