I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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