I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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