Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
