soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
