Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize