I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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