do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
