WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
