god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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