I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
