Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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