The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
