Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
