It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
