i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
