guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
