apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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