come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
