Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
