why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
