The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
