i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
FUCK WHALES
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
