Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
