There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
