So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
