and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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