I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
