WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
