But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
