I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
