The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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