I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
