I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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