You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
