When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
