literally had 100 drinks last night.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Who died my cat blue again?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
