You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
