apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
