EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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