The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just pee around me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
