Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
