I think im going to throw up on grandma
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
