listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Couch. On fire.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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