I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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