Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
