watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize