Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize