Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
