My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
