someone threw a dead crab at me
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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