after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
