If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
