During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This is my gift to your gina
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
