I want to make a zoo with you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
