i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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